that started out pure and simple. But then life got complicated and the picture/painting was put aside for awhile. Things cleared up and everyday when I went to the barn, I saw this picture/painting of blue background with white shapes sitting on top of an island of sorts, begging me to pick up where I’d left off and finish this it.

So I did. Only for some reason, that only the universe knows, nothing seemed right. The houses changed colors, shapes, only to be wiped out to begin again. The same with the background and the ocean below. Nothing felt right but yet I continued, obsessed to fix it, to make it right.

And so this went on and on, some days liking what I saw only to wipe it out the next day.

Every chance I got, I painted, with the hope and intention of making things right. I had lots of interruptions, pulls from other directions. And where usually I could take it in stride, shrug it off, they stuck to me like glue, pulling me further and further into my own despair and frustration.

And finally I said, ‘fuck it’… I wiped the paint off again, throwing the covered in paint towel against the canvas once more, taking loose paint and throwing it on top of the smeared images, where once bright color now stood muted and distorted.

And I shouted to the heavens, to myself and anyone else listening (maybe the neighborhood) I am done! Do you hear me? I give up! No matter what I try or do, nothing’s working!

And in that moment, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, as if the heavens had been waiting in the background for me to let go. Now maybe they can step in and take over.

Sometimes, no a lot of the time, life is like that. I try and I try again, trying to make something work that just won’t budge and no matter what I do or give to it…it remains the same. And the feelings of frustration grow and my sense of well being is thrown out like the paint smeared off the canvas.

I remember to dance, wait, and most of all-don’t look at that picture, AGAIN!!! until the lightness of spirit finds her way to me and I am ready to receive her once again.