So …yesterday as the sun was setting a late afternoon thunderstorm popped up…well the makings of one that fizzled out before it really ever got started.  Mark was walking when the winds picked up and the rain started…a combination that does not work well for his sensitive being.  I heard him yelling out in the field and I went to meet him.  As he came towards me, his shorts scrolled up as far as they could go (so the wind doesn’t blow them on his skin which to him feels like needles going in from all directions) I noticed that his shorts were ripped and torn…a result of his frustration and pain.

I went to get him a new pair of shorts and invited him in to get out from under the weather; but once he changed he went back to walking.  I on the other hand went inside grabbed a glass of wine, went back outside, found a chair to sit in the paddock and wait for him to make the loop (it’s about a half of mile)… and hopefully do it without issue.

As I sat, I felt the day settle on me like the sun  reaching for the earth behind me.  I felt sad that after eight years Mark is still struggling to find his way and we live in a moment to moment basis…never quite knowing what the weather inside of him will be like.  I felt an emptiness that although we’re all family, many of our members have chosen to either alienate from one another or end relationships altogether.  I felt compassion for all those who are struggling and for those who have recently lost people that they love.  And I miss my dad.   I felt my emotions rising and as the rain subsided my tears began…the gentle breeze cooled my skin…feeling good to me but wondering if it was hurting my son as he walked.  I looked to the sky, the clouds, the last rays of light, as the tears fell releasing the sadness from within.

Mark came round the bend, this time without issue…he stopped to say hello to me and seeing me in my emotional state came over to sit next to me.  He kissed my cheek and taking my hand, told me that it was going to be okay.  Then he asked me, “Is it going to be okay?”  I nodded as I blubbered…”yes”.  He got up and did another round of walking.

This time when he came up and saw me in the same place, tears still falling…he came over and patted me firmly on the cheek and said, “Done!”….

I laughed and got up and walked another lap with him.  Yes…done.