I just read those words on an email that I receive from the ‘Universe’ daily message.  I loved it!  Perfect words for me to hear today.  I love the sound and the thought behind it…peace and blue jeans…hanging outside under blue skies wearing favorite clothing and feeling so happy.

Recently I’ve encountered a lot of judgments flying my way…kind of like flies to an ointment or moths to a lightbulb, a huge lightbulb with tons and tons of moths traveling destination zing on the target…which they found.

And instead of welcoming them like greeting a loved one that you haven’t seen in a long time; I felt instead like I was being attacked from the aliens wanting to get me from all angles and just wanted to run and take cover in whatever hiding place I could find.

I have been accused many times by the people I love of being overly sensitive….who me?  not me….:)  I do admit that my skin is kind of ticklish and could use some toughening up and maybe that’s why I get all of this attention…the universal way of taking care of the lessons I need to learn in the school of life….I must be failing the test because I find myself in this same situation or classroom all the time.

I’d like to say that I just let it roll and have fun with the accusations and judgments that come my way…kind of like how I love to see the thunderheads building up into huge thunderstorms…so powerful and beautiful.  I enjoy them.  The  mean words and attitudes that are hurled my way….not so much.  (No I’m not dramatic… to be covered at a later date)

I wonder if there is a way to change my perception so that it is fun for me.  Then I would not ever need to hide, run away, or feel the need to wrap myself in a big plastic balloon to keep out all the naysayers, critics, and fellow human beings who are being who they are and not aware of the sensitivity of the person standing in front of them smiling but cringing, screaming and crying on the inside.

On the other hand I see how in our country people are so sensitive to other peoples thoughts and words that now most of us are afraid to speak our minds for fear of either being blasted in the newspapers, loose our jobs, or locked up.  And I think whatever happened to free speech?

See this is what I’m saying…I don’t want people to stop being who they are…or thinking or saying what they feel…but I would like to not see it as bad for me anymore when what they are saying isn’t necessarily what I want to hear…

So here’s to freedom of speech and I hope that you like my new head gear….ear muffs that tune out for me all the yuck so all I hear is the good stuff or wait minute here’s another idea…  I can decide to see that its all good………all I need to do is drop my judgement of the judgments.

yea good luck with this one……ha!  see me in life 10000000000000001…..

peace and blue jeans…………….K

I am proud to be an American.  I love the idea that I am free and that I live in a country where I can choose…  I know there are parts in the world that this is still not true.  So I am grateful to live in a country where I have this right.

I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, artist, author, writer, crafter, and anything that my heart, mind or soul wants to be or create….because I am free to do so.

I am grateful for the people that came before me, my ancestors who came here looking for religious freedom and a better way of life.  And I am also grateful for the original stewards of our land, the Native Americans.  I hope that I make them proud with my choices today.

Our country is beautiful.  I love the beaches, mountains, rivers, oceans, cities and country side; all that our country has to offer.  And the place my family calls home, our little piece of heaven on earth.

I don’t particularly care for a lot of the politics that go on in our government; but I do love that the heart and soul of our country is in the desire for freedom, helping and protecting others less fortunate, and God.  I know that there are others who would disagree with me on the last part, and maybe even with the first two (see one of the good things about being an American, is that we can disagree and still have our heads attached :).  There is so much creative energy in our part of the world to grow, heal and rise to new and greater levels; that I can’t separate at least in my mind the idea of a higher force guiding and loving us to do so.

This is one of the few holidays that all of us can participate in, uniting us as one big family….and who knows maybe even some ‘happy’ thrown in for good measure…at least one can hope.

So today as I bake gluten free cupcakes in preparation for tomorrow’s festivities I am wishing each of you and yours a very happy birthday to our home, United States of America!  ….

Thursday morning my mom called me and said, “Do you have a minute?”  I said, “Sure, what’s up?”

She said, “Now when you’re father can’t sleep at night instead of painting, he’s decided to read your book.”

I said, “Holy crap, you’re kidding me.”

And she said, “No, and he is so impressed with your work, he wrote a note to you last night before he went to bed.”

She proceeded to read the note to me.  The note was so special filled with lots of accolades and maybe at least one ‘genius’ thrown in too.  (Hey I am his kid, of course he’s going to think that)….  But what was so impressive was how special and proud he is of me.  I’m still cringing with the idea he is reading stuff that he and I have absolutely never ever talked about….I feel a little naked here…maybe not as much as if I were Miley Cyrus…naked for the world to see… but close.

My father has never been one to demonstrate his feelings towards us a lot but that was before he got cancer this last time.  Now every time we talk he is quick to tell me/us how proud he is of us and how much he loves us.  Touches my heart.  I’ve  always known how much he cares but its always been from a quiet place.

I think reading my book- and by the way, my dad only reads historical/political/scientific/newspaper kind of stuff….facts spelled with a big FACT- never ever fiction.  But he is actually enjoying my book.  Unreal.  I just wish I could hide certain parts from his eyes …language not so much, he was a sailor after all and a wizard at fixing everything in and out of the home except plumbing which is where I learned most of the 4 letter words I use today…just sayn’.

At any rate I think he has always seen me in a different light, his daughter light and to see me as an artist has opened a whole new door.  And he’s proud of me.  Did I already mention that?  And how many times???

I am so grateful he thinks that way.

This came on a good week.  In the beginning of the week I felt like I had a lot coming at me….I’m trying to promote my book; get the word out…..I’m a creative artist…not so much a business person so this end of the spectrum can feel pretty daunting at times especially when I come up against road blocks.  And I had a few this week.

In the midst of these (which I’m not going to mention cause well I can’t say…but I can say now I’m laughing instead of crying about them) the marketing person with Balboa called me to see how its going…I was momentarily struck silent for a second…yes, me with no words.  I had nothing.  I thought about Hillary Clinton….:) she came out with her book what- last week? and already its sold millions.  Maybe I should introduce myself…

One idea I had was moving my book at the book store to a more prominent spot, you know where everyone can see it.  (That’s marketing right?  And I saw it done in the movie Endless Love)  My friend who was at the store had the same idea and did it for me- sending me a picture of my book’s new home.  Later on that evening I went in to see for myself.  My book had been removed and put back in its original spot….not that its a bad spot…its a great spot… But I thought it would be a good idea to have my book in beach reads as well as new romance.   I mean Sunny’s Story is all about the beach in a manner of speaking.  I approached two of the personnel there to talk to them about it.  Lets just say they were less than receptive to the idea of talking to me.  Maybe I had on my alien mask or something…:)

Feeling discouraged and a little off, it was such cool surprise to hear that my dad was reading my book and that he actually likes it…Go figure that…

Now if I can just get over the idea of him reading those parts……………..:)

My family and friends are my biggest fans…obviously-they love me.  But what’s interesting is how each of them have responded to Sunny’s Story.  My family especially.  I have been touched and impressed with their comments to my writing ability, especially from my mom.  She reads all the time and she said that she is so proud of me.  She says that she had no idea that I could write like that.  She also said there were parts she had to close her eyes with…a little bit awkward reading and hearing that from her daughter.  And believe me she’s no prude, she read Fifty Shades of Grey….not that my book is anywhere near that but still some parts had parts that she and I usually don’t discuss.

Same with my son who recently went to Miami for the weekend.  While he drove, his girlfriend read from my book out loud.  Michael, my son, says that from now on he will not be able to watch the movie Pirates of the Caribbean without remembering the part in my book which he claims ‘was way too much information’ for him.   But then he also went on to say how proud he is of me as an author and he loves the story.  And wants to hear more, he thinks…

My family also (once they get past the embarrassing parts) look to see who the characters are modeled after.  I keep reminding them that the book is fiction and the characters are their own; but they’re not buying that…  And yes I will agree that although there are similar traits in some of my characters that is where the truth ends and fiction begins.  Again they’re not buying into it.

My mother keeps saying that she doesn’t see herself anywhere in the book.  The rest of the crew disagree.  And they go so far as to point out certain mannerisms and words that she uses that they see in the story.  When asked… I said to my brother that he may have a slight resemblance to the character Mark….which then he proceeded to tell me what he thought of Mark, which I won’t say here because its like my book, a little R rated for language; but lets just say I immediately changed my statement (can you do that?) from Mark to Ethan; the one my sister in law thought reminded her of my brother.  He liked that; although he says he’s still not talking to me…   🙂

My sister who has been great about it, has been the one most referred to as Rain (Sunny’s sister in the story)….And although Rain may not always come off in the best light, I love her and I think she is great.  And again…there are similar traits but that’s where it ends and the rest is fiction.   That’s okay though, my sister and I have a deal; if people are going to continue to think of Rain as her or vice versa… After my sequel is finished, my third and final book in this trilogy will be….’ And then there was RAIN’….(thanks Bec, for the title and suggestion.)

And not to leave out my friends….one whose name I used in the book with no resemblance to the character at all; has asked me to change the spelling so there will be no confusion in the future. 🙂

And last but not least is my husband.  He does not read novels…but he read mine.  Okay never mind I’m not going to tell you what he said………

And they all want to know who Kate is…they love her and can’t figure out who she was inspired from.  I’d tell but then I’d have to…………    🙂

Yesterday afternoon late, Sonny came home looking like he’d been through a war zone.  Battered, beaten, and bruised.  He lay quiet and wounded.  My baby.

I feel for him.  Frank keeps telling me that he will be fine.  I know this.  But I feel the angst and pain because he’s an innocent and also because I feel responsible.  Because he is mine to take care of and even though I’ve done what I could to help him with his ear infections; somehow I feel like I’ve let him down.

We got Sonny five years ago during a very difficult time in our lives.  Our son Mark was going through a tough set back.  From the moment we introduced him to Mark and they both lit up, we knew he was ours.  Sonny like his name is sunshine.  He’s so happy, playful and sweet that he is always bringing joy into our lives just by watching the way he enjoys his.  Everything is an opportunity for fun to him.  Whether he is going for a walk or run (I love to watch him run, its like poetry in motion), going for a ride, chasing our cats or ‘the girls’ our cows, or swimming in the pool, everything is a ‘treat’ to him.

To see him like this breaks my heart.  Well at least it did last night.  This morning even though he’s still ‘quieter’ than usual, his tail is wagging, he’s laying next to me and he’s my sunshine once again.  Yea Sonny, nothing keeps him down for long.

This past Monday I noticed Sonny’s ear lobe had swollen to the size of a blowfish or like a mackerel that had been out of water for several days.  I got him into the vet at the first available appointment.  The vet was able to lance his ear and it went back to a normal flat size.  The vet said there was a chance his ear would swell again and if so he would need surgery.

And sure enough his ear puffed out again.  Michael, my son, started calling him Dumbo, after Disney’s flying elephant.  When we’d left the vet’s office we had medications and drops that I’d hoped would take care of the problem but to no avail.

So today I called the vet…again.  And I was told Sonny would have to have surgery and we’d have to go to a different vet to do so; meeting up for a consultation first and then setting up an appointment for next week.  I’m not sure Sonny’s ear could wait that long.  He might be actually flying (Dumbo) by then.

Frank called and talked to a vet he knows and was able to get him in today, this afternoon.  In the meantime I’d called around and googled on my I-phone looking for a holistic vet and was able to find one in our area.  The doctor said that he could make up a homeopathic remedy for Sonny’s ear that would heal him.  Too late, Frank had already brought Sonny.

So now I’m waiting for Sonny to come home and hopefully the whole thing was not too traumatic for him.  And his ear will heal and soon he will be up for his long walks and blackberry picking.  Yesterday Frank and I were picking blackberries on our property.  Sonny helped…..only he ate all of his ‘pickings’………  Loving Sonny……………….

The past several weeks have been really busy getting ready for this week’s art show, my first sidewalk event.  I started five paintings at once and worked on them simultaneously, finishing this past Monday.  Relieved, I then went on to get ready for my dad’s birthday party which is tomorrow, right after the art show closes for the day.

While painting, my house kind of went on strike from neglect….dust bunnies were the least of my worries….so I went from painting artsy mode to cleaning- laundry, mopping floors, scrubbing bathrooms from top to bottom, dusting/polishing, planning menus, shopping for food and birthday, baking,  etc.  And in the midst of the flurry, I’d walk by my paintings and see something I’d missed, pull out the paint brushes, paint again…it became an obsession.  I’d start dinner, see something, tell Mark to hold on for a minute and two hours later get back to the business of fixing dinner…Thank goodness my guys are patient with me.

The fact that I’ve been free to create- writing, painting, publishing, and now participating in an art show; shows me that my son is doing so much better…and I am forever grateful.  And it would seem things couldn’t get better than that.   Miracle one.

And yet it does…..to be able to celebrate my father’s 84th birthday this Saturday with a small family get together is so special.   Two years ago he was diagnosed with cancer and not given much hope for survival….And yet here he is, celebrating 84 years young!  Miracle two.

It’s a weekend to smile about……….  heart smiles…………

I’m sitting on the couch facing south looking out through the French Doors.  My view is this…the pool’s water so blue and so inviting…beckoning me as if to say the water’s fine; come on in. The pool’s border and patio the color of sand; reminds me of walking on the beach.  Beyond the screen covering the pool area; is our back paddock, vibrant green grass contrasted by navy blue sky with white billowing brewing thunderhead clouds,  green oaks standing tall, leaves blowing in the pre-storm breeze, the sounds of thunder penetrating through the closed up house and music blaring-Tom Petty’s song, ‘I won’t back down’ coming from Mark’s boom box….  I just finished eating a juicy peach, picked from our yard, first year’s crop.  So cool, having fruit and vegetables straight from the earth in your own backyard.

Sunday starts a new month, and to me the official beginning of summer…June, July, and August.. I have always loved summer; swimming, wearing ‘beachy’ outfits, going to the beach, barbecues, reading good books, seeing good movies, falling in love all over again with life and the ones I share it with.  It’s also a great time for creating something new.  The regular shows on TV are done for the season…the regular routines are put away for the season…and summer is like one big gigantic canvas just waiting for me to play with, inspiring, growing, and learning.  Just like the ripe peaches, blackberries, pears, tomatoes, green beans just bursting with juiciness ready to be savored and enjoyed… there’s so much to love and do or not do during the summer months.

I usually try to come up with a plan of what my goals and intentions are…and before the first week is over; they have backfired.  Like school being let out for the summer, I feel the same sense of freedom I used to feel as a kid but unlike it was then; now I’m still working and have lots of responsibilities.  So this year I’m coming out with a new intention… I think.  First I’m putting away any agendas (of how summer is ‘supposed to be)………yea!  And then I’m creating a new plan….And that is to keep the spirit of summer alive and well; by holding it hand in hand with my regular routines coloring them both with the art of sunshine.

Last night Frank asked me if it was going to rain…the sky looked really dark and full, as if the heavens would burst open at any moment and just let loose……..  I answered, “I think there’s a fifty/fifty chance…Either it will or it won’t….  No way I could lose that one…

And I don’t think I’ll loose this one either……………:)

Last Saturday I had a book signing at a local café.  The turnout was small, I had envisioned a much larger crowd.  But the people who came, made it a very special day and least I forget, my unofficial but official agent, Michael- my son, was with me as well.  Old friends, new ones, and surprises….I was touched and honored by all.  Thank You again, for those of you who came out to support me and purchase my book and in a couple of cases, two.

Wednesday night I went to Barnes & Noble in the Villages, just south of Belleview where I live.  I looked for my book, couldn’t find it…so I asked for one of the sales people to help, who brought in the manager.  Not only did they find my book, they had me sign it and then they put a label on the front cover that read, autographed copy.  Then they proceeded to put it on a stand on the main counter, in a place that every one could see it.

my book in Barnes & Noble

I felt so honored.  Actually I felt many emotions, mostly happiness and joy.  Many times while I was in the process of writing my novel I would visit Barnes & Noble and look at all the new books, fiction and otherwise and envision mine up there as well.  At first I couldn’t imagine it or believe it was possible…the ‘mountain’ seemed so high.  I hadn’t even picked out a cover for my book yet.  But then one night I just saw it.  I saw it in mind clear as could be, Sunny’s Story, on the bookshelf with the others.  And for the first time since I’d begun this journey I actually believed that my book could be there as well.

So on Wednesday night when I saw my book, it was as if my dream had come home to meet me.  So special.  And even as a writer I find it hard to put into words the feelings I felt.  But I know this…for the rest of the night and the next day too; I kept smiling and thanking God for this dream come true.  Me, a real life author….imagine that!

I’ll be signing books this Saturday at 11 am at BD Beans Café.  I hope to see you there!