that when I post pictures of our home, farm…that others could interpret that as bragging….”Hey Look at Me and What I Have!”…..

Just to be clear…nope, that is not my intention.  And while its none of my business, as to how others take or perceive me or what I do… (oh, oh…does this mean I’m going to defend myself??? 🙂  I want to say this…everything (or mostly everything)  I post, I do it because I love it and want to share my joy with you.

I feel that our world is filled with so much unhappiness, that’s it’s nice to know that there is good here too…like achieving dreams, celebrating the moments, giving hope of possibilities, opportunities.

From my pictures and posts, people might interpret that I have an ‘easy’ life.   While I know that I have been blessed, I also know that my life is not an easy one….things that most take for granted do not come easily to me but this is okay…I love my life…challenges and all.

My point is this…all of us have our ‘stuff’…maybe yours is financial, or dealing with health and/or a  life threatening illness, or relationship issues…or a combination of things…really scary things.  Life isn’t fair, no one said that it would be…but it’s still worth loving and fighting for.  And for me sharing what brings me joy…reminds me of what I’m fighting for……….

Just like Pitt Bull with Ne-Yo in their current song titled,’Time of Our Lives.  I agree, yes it is!

Yesterday a new friend through Facebook wrote to me and told me how much the book that Gayle and I wrote together, “It’s All About Attitude,” meant to her and her family.  She said that our book came to them at a time when they were feeling lost…their world turned upside down by the diagnosis of autism.   And that by reading our story…I imagine that it was like a hand being extended to them in a dark and scary place.

I understand completely.

There have been many times that I too have felt lost, scared, not knowing which way to turn… and someone’s words, heart coming through on the page. have been like a life raft being thrown out to me in dark and murky waters….giving me hope, direction, and the confidence to hear and follow my own truth once again.  Dark and murky…now clear blue.

I also am grateful for those who love my art… my creativity whether its through writing, painting, basket weaving, cooking, decorating or photography…they are all expressions of my love of life…the beauty that I see and feel around me.  So when someone tells me they like it….my heart smiles…big time!

and I just wanted you to know that……….

thank you!

to a family member that things have not been exactly copasetic lately………I thought it was time to bury the hatchet and make amends…at least  that was my intention.  Apparently the person that I  extended it to, thought otherwise.  If the branch had been real…I’m thinking that it either would have gone up my…um…backside…or I’d been thrashed with it…or like a cold icicle…speared with it…just sayn…

So needless to say…my offer was rescinded and sent back to me in a way that there was no doubt of its meaning.  Which was/is okay…except I kind of felt like a fool or worse yet…a little naked or a whole lot of naked.  The last time I felt like that, exposed for the world to see …was when I posted something derogatory about our current president…which I no longer do or will do…in fact I have stepped out of the political arena preferring to stay on safer grounds…at least for the time being.

But this person is my family and at one time we were close, so I tried again to reach out with the hopes of a better outcome.  I have sent emails, texts…all without any response…so rather than assume I decided to ask this person what this meant.  I know…really?? :).  So if I wasn’t clear before, after the whip lashing from the olive branch that I’d extended; now I was.

So…what to do with these feelings of embarrassment, vulnerability, foolishness and rejection…and a huge dose of self doubt for trying to be nice…which felt even worse than the actual door slamming…thinking of the things I should have/could have said instead.

And then I thought of some other members in my family that might not be happy with me if they knew that I’d reached out to this person…I could hear their words…What… are you crazy?  What the f…were you thinking….Seriously why don’t you just roll over and let them walk all over you…”

So add guilt to the mix too.

I decided to paint….we have a new cow trough…actually this one is an old worn out bathtub that we’re now using as a place to plant tomatoes…….and onions…I got my brush, white paint and painted….and painted…now it’s safe to say I’m wearing clothes again(white)…the yucky place I’d found myself in (inside my own skin) has passed, I like myself again, and it’s really okay that this other person doesn’t want to reconnect.  I can let go.

…and my family….. no worries……….they’ll never know…:) whoop! whoop!

I love olives and I love opportunities to grow…even if it sometimes leaves a sour taste in my mouth/soul… in the end, I know it’s all good.

I like to laugh…actually I love to laugh…and sometimes when life feels too raw…I laugh…a lot.

or try to be funny.

sometimes it might not be taken well.

I don’t mean anything by it.  In fact I mean just the opposite.  I want others to feel better, especially when they are hurting, scared, or depressed.  So I use laughter as my preferred choice of medicine.

I use what happens to me; trying to make a funny story out of it.

This past week I had several opportunities to practice this….like on Tuesday when I smashed my big toe and the two next to it………it hurt like hell, turning several shades of blue, green and purple.  And walking, which was more like hobbling with the added bonus of trying to fit a shoe on a size that no longer fit bringing its own set of challenges…..but I wanted to make it funny…so once the tears passed, I wrote about it….and laughed….well that is until my husband, dog, and the vacuum cleaner ran into it again and…. again sending fresh new tears and pain rushing through me.  No problem….more story line.

Or how about the next day, while I was blowing out the candle on one end of the tray and my hair caught fire by the candle on the other end….It was instant flames……but as quick as it started, it ended…leaving a yucky burnt singed smell, unintended haircut…and something to laugh about….

Sometimes…the news is really scary and there might not be much to laugh about….and yet laugh we must because when we do; it slays the ‘dragons’ built by our fears and gives us a chance to see things differently and more clearly.

So that’s why I laugh….even when it might not seem appropriate or the right time, like when Frank fell off of the bed and hurt an unmentionable place…which happened several years ago and yet thinking about it…I still laugh.  Oops…my bad.

Laughter helps to lessen the hurt and ease the pain of life gone raw…opening the doors to healing and possibility…

My mom with her grandsons….at my father’s memorial dinner

Often I see authors write blogs and even books on this.  It helps readers to understand the process, giving a little insight into the author’s working progress.  And for fellow writers it is inspiring and encouraging to see how other authors write.

Now if I tell you how I write you might understand totally why my characters are as wacky as they are and why I might need more than one editor or proofreader at my beck and call.  As it is they have their work cut out for them.

You think of writers having these big swatches of time and quiet to create.  And you think of them having tons of alone time to do so….so much so that you worry about them feeling lonely… too much solitude.

I can say without any hesitation or doubt that lots of time, quiet, and alone time are definitely not issues for me.  In fact the opposite is usually quite true.

I sit down to write.  The telephone rings.  I ignore it.  My cell phone rings.  I ignore it.  My text goes off.  I ignore it.  The phone rings again…this time the answering machine plays in the background…”How come you’re not answering your phone?  Call me.”…husband is worried.  So I call him back to reassure him that all is well.

I sit back down to write.  Mark needs me for something.  I get up to help him.  Then its back to writing.  A little while later its time for lunch.  I fix lunch.  Ready to write some more, I sit… ready to write some more.   I fix lunch….wait didn’t I already say that, do that?   I sit back down to write.  Frank and Michael come home.  “What’s to eat?”  I make them lunch.

I sit back down to write.  Finally all is quiet and I can get a little work done, uninterrupted.  I write a sentence.  Maybe two and now the cat needs my attention…more treats and a clean up on aisle 4…(garage)…she’s old, has lots of accidents.

I sit back down to write.  The bell on the washing machine and dryer go off simultaneously…I let it go for awhile or until or before the mildew sets in…then I get up switching the clothes from the wash to the dryer after taking the clothes out of the dryer and putting them in the basket to be folded at a later if ever date…  I sit back down to write; but first a quick look at FB and emails.  Two hours later, I sit back down to write.

Mark, Michael, and Frank want to talk to me.  It doesn’t matter that I’m typing…or that I’m clearly ignoring them…not even smiling at them…they still want to talk to me.   So since I’m not looking they sit across from me and say…’don’t worry…I’ll wait until you’re done.  Or they ask, “Are you listening to me”  Mark doesn’t care…he just keeps on talking and talking and talking and if I don’t pay attention then touches my chin to get me to look at him-reminding me of the days when we did the program and we did the same to him to get his attention.

Or they’re talking to each other.  Sometimes I go to another room…a couple of states away…but they either find me or I can still hear them….

A little while later ….I sit back down to write……….

But now its time to walk….Sonny’s ready…patiently waiting …and can’t wait anymore.  So we – Mark, Sonny, and I walk.

And then I hear “What’s for dinner?”….

I close up the computer…………..to begin again…………..another day…………..

And this is how I write……full of life and love swirling all around me, touching, inspiring, driving me a little crazy, sometimes a lot…loving the process.  Most days I write…sometimes not…………but when I do it’s always an adventure.

Sonny (my golden retriever) and I had a case of the blues today….he’s had some health issues since the week before Thanksgiving…he may have had a slight stroke.  Yesterday he had acupuncture….yep, my dog had needles stuck in him everywhere…And he did really good letting the vet insert them…well with the exception of the ones he tried to eat.

And me… I could list a few reasons for my funk but who wants to hear them?  Not me 🙂

Anyway Mark (my son), Sonny and I went for a walk, taking our usual path.  After walking the back paddock I headed to the highest point on our land for a sit down.  Sonny followed.  The view is gorgeous.  You can see our farm and the other surrounding farms.  Michael (my oldest son) was working the other field with the big tractor…waved as he passed by from afar.   Mark continued walking the path.

Today the sky is showing bright blue again-first time this week, along with abundant sunshine and white puffy clouds.  The temps are in the lower sixties…cool but not cold.

Hard to keep the funk going with all of that beauty around me.  I might have smiled a couple of times… Sonny may have done his happy dance.  Feeling the warmth of the sun I lay on the crunchy brown grass beneath me looking up at all that blue sky, while Sonny dug, ate some dirt, rolled, and then lay next to me.

I heard a car pull up next to me.  Found by the husband … he says I need to get a ‘real’ job.  I laughed…..funk gone………he may have even gotten a kiss…

check out my new page on FB……….under Kathy Almeida

This year has truly been a roller coaster ride….one that keeps on rolling.  Life in her complete glory….sunshine days, moonlit nights, smooth seas along with turbulent weather, strong storms, cloudy skies, windy days bringing in big and small changes.

It was a year of dreams come true-publishing my first novel, seeing it in the bookstores, sharing it with my friends and family- definitely a big high.  I experienced relationships restored and renewed, where others not so much. There were setbacks, disappointments, and struggles along the way; not to mention drama-what’s a year without family drama?  There were also hellos and goodbyes….the biggest one was saying goodbye to my dad.  I will miss him forever even as I feel him with me still.

There were trips to Tennessee, North Carolina, Georgia, the southeast and southwest coasts of Florida, and always…visits to Crescent Beach, Fl….our home away from home.

There were family celebrations- my brother’s 60th birthday, our 35th wedding anniversary, my parents 63rd wedding anniversary, our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without Dad.

There was great health and not so great health…..Frank & I both coming down with the flu…the first time in maybe ever….:)   Thank heavens we had our son Michael who spent the week nursing us back to health and at the same time taking over the business and house responsibilities along with taking care of his brother.  We couldn’t have done it without him.  And Jennieva, his girlfriend, who also came to hang out with Mark.  Sonny-our dog, Sundae-our cat, Stormy-one of our cows…all suffered health issues that touched our hearts and feelings of helplessness as we watch them living strong in spite of the setbacks they faced/face.  And we also lost one of beloved ‘girls’-cows.

I feel blessed for all of the opportunities that have come my way this year and for the people that I get to share my life with.  Loving them and life makes everything worth it.

As I look back on this year I am grateful too for all the blessings that have come my way as I look forward to the new ones that will come in my future.  A new year to me is like having a brand new canvas on which I get to create/paint anything I want…one I hope to fall totally in love with….its up to me.

May each of you fall in love with your new year and be blessed with everything that makes your heart soar!

Happy New Year,

with love,

from …..        me.

As mother nature is spreading her last hurrah before the quiet white of winter…this past week we’ve been doing the ‘Autumn cleanup’.

We want our house to look good for Thanksgiving…my friend recently shared a picture on FB of a vase that had been broken that she repaired with glue.  She says although its not perfect; it now has character.   Just like our house has….lots and lots of character.

We are not easy on our home, especially our son Mark…sorry Mark…:) his artistic endeavors are kind of everywhere….and then there’s our Sonny (dog) and Sundae (cat) who recently haven’t felt good, sharing the contents of their stomachs and bowels everywhere.   So the carpet screamed for a cleaning.  (Hopefully next year we will be carpet free) 🙂

Mark had his yearly scheduled appointment with the neurologist on Thursday afternoon.  Frank set up the carpet to be cleaned while we were gone.   We were prepared to take a long ride afterwards until the cleaning was done…knowing that all the confusion could be hard for Mark to handle.  As it was- taking out all the furniture beforehand had my dog and cat(s) in crazy mode not knowing where to hide especially when the men came in with all of their big hoses and equipment.  But as luck would hold, by the time we got done with the visit to the doctors; the carpet cleaners had finished….amazingly that they were able to do in two hours which normally takes me all day….I was impressed.

We came home to put the house back together…cleaning along the way.  My older son Michael was in charge of the vacuuming, scrubbing the floor boards, fans, and lifting and moving the heavy furniture with some help from me….and I took charge of the polishing and cleaning the furniture and washing all of the floor rugs and hanging them out to dry.  What took the carpet cleaners two hours took us several days.

Meanwhile Sonny still moves with his head cocked to one side (inner ear troubles) and runs into walls and falls to his side when he looses his balance….our cat has a new home in the garage with a heating lamp, bed, food, treats and visits from us to keep her company.

Mark has started a new medication for the control of his seizures.  We are changing meds because the side effects from the Dilantin are messing up his gums and teeth.  While he’s in transition he will be taking both drugs…the side effects of the new one can be dizziness and tiredness.

So while I’m baking pies and bread in preparation of the upcoming holiday, I will also be keeping a close eye on him and Sonny to make sure they’re not running into anything and hurting themselves in the process.

This Thanksgiving will be the first one we’ve been able to have here with our family since Mark’s set back seven years ago.  And it will also be the first Thanksgiving we will have without Dad.

I feel the emotions running high and when I least expect it; I feel myself welling up for knowingly no reason at all….

I am grateful that my son is doing so much better that we can have our family here again.  And I am so grateful for all the years past that I was able to celebrate this day with my dad.  One of my happiest Thanksgivings ever was the year we held it at our barn.  I don’t think I ever remember my father being so happy at a holiday as he was that Thanksgiving.  The day was cold but our spirits were so warm.

So…. I’m wishing for all of you…especially those of you who have lost someone close to you this year….a day of celebration…for life, our country, each other, and for the ones that once sat our table and are no longer physically here but in our hearts …forever.

Happy Thanksgiving……………with love and light from me to you………