I remember many summers spent at Crescent Beach. Sometimes on our week long retreats we got to stay at Island House. And many Saturdays for a day trip we’d park near Island House. But no matter if we stayed for the day or the week, there was always a walk to South Beach Grill for lunch.  Sometimes we sat outside on one of the picnic tables set on the back deck, open to the dunes and views of the beach.  Other times, we’d sit inside, wearing only bathing suits and our feet bare, taking a break from the hot noonday sun, by sitting in the cool interior of the restaurant.  Upstairs, required more dress and shoes, offering great views of the beach and ocean beyond.
The decor of the restaurant was informal, beachy and artsy…perfect!  The food was great, offering a wide selection.  We liked our usual, veggie burger with fries and lemonade.  Something about their lemonade was extra special, we couldn’t get enough.  The staff was always so friendly, in fact we were there so often that we came to know each other by name.  We even got to meet the owner, who just happens to share the same birthday month as I do, We loved going there and it was made even more special, because my youngest son who has autism was welcomed there with open arms.  It didn’t matter if he was loud or didn’t follow all the social rules, he was accepted and wanted.  That got gold stars in our book.

They always gave my son extra big cups to take with him, just like he liked it.  One was filled with ice, the other with lemonade.  He would carry them both on our mile walk back to the condo.
We’d walk at shore, letting the cool waters of the ocean keep us from melting, while my son would walk next to the dunes, where the temperature there were easily over a hundred degrees…but that’s the way he liked it.  Eventually he’d make his way to us, after we’d called out to him a thousand times, inspired by the desire not to see him ‘die’ in the heat, which he was oblivious to.

We had so many happy times there, with friends and family joining us…summer days by our favorite beach, eating at our favorite restaurant.
When I wrote my novel, Sunny’s Story, which took place at Crescent Beach, it became a no brainer that Island House and South Beach Grill would be incorporated into my story.  Island House was one of the places that inspired me to create Kate’s home, adding and expanding from my imagination.  South Beach Grill, became a lunch time favorite for Sunny.

So many happy memories of summers gone by, the places remain, and when I am there, and I pass by Island House, I remember.  I hope one day to stay there again.  Who knows, maybe I will even purchase one of those condos.  And every time that I am in the area, I still go to South Beach Grill.  There have been changes, on the outside as well as on the inside, but the good food, great atmosphere…remain the same.

And if you’ve read either one of my books, Sunny’s Story or Sunny’s Story 2, you will recognize these excerpts from the books. If not here is a small ‘taste’ of each…
We walked the two blocks to the Columbia Restaurant and immediately felt refreshed upon entering the cool interior. The hostess seated us at one of the small tables near the window that faced the courtyard and the fountain. Two little children were throwing coins into it laughing and giggling as they fished the coins back out only to throw them back in again.
Once the waiter had taken our orders we sat back and relaxed, sipping ice water with lemon, as we waited for the fresh warm mini loaves of Cuban bread and whipped butter to be brought to the table. We didn’t have to wait long. The buttered bread melted in our mouths.
“I could make a meal on this alone.” Jake said signaling the waiter for more.
“I can too.”
“I’ve missed you,” Jake began. I felt his leg brush against mine.
“I’ve missed you, too.” I wrapped my leg over his.
“So, I take it you’re staying with your grandmother?”

“Yes, unlike some people I know, she wanted me to live with her. Plus, she was kind of enough to offer me a job.”
“How’s that going?” Jake asked letting the comment slide. He stroked my thigh with his hand.
“Which one do you mean?” I like it, I like it; keep on doing what you’re doing.
“Both.”
“I love living with Kate, like I said, she likes me and wants me there. And being near the ocean is great! And I like my job. I’m enjoying learning about the art world and seeing new people every day. And working with Kate and Mark is awesome! They like me and want me there.”
“I’m happy for you and glad to know that you’ve forgiven me.”
“Hey, I’m not one to hold a grudge…”

“Hello?”
“Sunny, you need to get here right away.”
“Why and where exactly are you?”
“At the Columbia. I was having lunch with O.J., who by the way looks even better in daylight without the uniform.”
“Great, so what does this have to do with me?”
“Jake’s here…with Crescent.”
“Ha?”
“Yep, he’s sitting at a big round table with Crescent, Ann and Jimmy.
“I don’t understand, I thought they were going to Fernandina Beach? What are they doing at the Columbia?” I felt a little twist in my gut.
“Apparently celebrating Jake’s birthday.”
“How do you know it’s his birthday?” I asked.
“Because I’m sitting with them.”
“What about Officer Jim? Is he there too?”
“No, he got called in, so instead of sitting by myself …by the way, Jimmy didn’t see me…I acted like I was out all by myself. Anyway, to make a long story short, Jake invited me to join them. Ann shook her head and sighed…very loudly I might add. Jimmy ordered her another martini so she’s good now. So you didn’t know that today was Jake’s birthday?”
“No…”
“And you were married to him? No wonder things got a little………you know…”
“Rain!”

I want to tell you something; not only did I write and publish my book, Sunny’s Story 2, I also funded this project totally on my own. And I am very proud of this fact. Instead of using our family income for this project, I used the money I put aside each week ($20), saving until I had enough to pay for the publishing, editing and then printing the books. And yes, it took awhile, but I did it.

It would have been a whole lot easier (on my part) if the money had been given to me, or taken from our family money and to be honest, that would have been great. But I think this way is even better. Because doing it myself has given me a sense of accomplishment and self empowerment that otherwise I would not have had.

And I took a risk when I ordered the amount of books that I did, not knowing whether when the time came if I would have the money to pay for the bill or not. But I did it anyway, knowing that I would take care of it, even if it took me longer to do so.

I remember when Frank and I were dating and then later on as newlyweds, all the risks he took to further his business and to get ahead. Many times, people told him that he was crazy to go out on a limb like that- he even heard that from the people closest to him-with the exception of me and one other. I’ve always believed in his ability to create good business. And those risks payed off. He trusted his wanting and his intuitive ability in going after his dream of being a successful business man. And he is.

I think that it is so important to believe in your dreams, the American Dream of anything is possible, if you’re willing to work for it and believe in it.

And I do. So many of my dreams have come true, and I am beyond grateful for them. As long as I am breathing, I will keep on dreaming and doing what I can to make them real. Like my latest book, ‘Sunny’s Story 2’ which turned one month old on July 22nd, my birthday.

Thank you for helping me to make this dream real!

ps. My bill came in and YES! I have the money to pay it…Whoohoo!!!

that started out pure and simple. But then life got complicated and the picture/painting was put aside for awhile. Things cleared up and everyday when I went to the barn, I saw this picture/painting of blue background with white shapes sitting on top of an island of sorts, begging me to pick up where I’d left off and finish this it.

So I did. Only for some reason, that only the universe knows, nothing seemed right. The houses changed colors, shapes, only to be wiped out to begin again. The same with the background and the ocean below. Nothing felt right but yet I continued, obsessed to fix it, to make it right.

And so this went on and on, some days liking what I saw only to wipe it out the next day.

Every chance I got, I painted, with the hope and intention of making things right. I had lots of interruptions, pulls from other directions. And where usually I could take it in stride, shrug it off, they stuck to me like glue, pulling me further and further into my own despair and frustration.

And finally I said, ‘fuck it’… I wiped the paint off again, throwing the covered in paint towel against the canvas once more, taking loose paint and throwing it on top of the smeared images, where once bright color now stood muted and distorted.

And I shouted to the heavens, to myself and anyone else listening (maybe the neighborhood) I am done! Do you hear me? I give up! No matter what I try or do, nothing’s working!

And in that moment, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, as if the heavens had been waiting in the background for me to let go. Now maybe they can step in and take over.

Sometimes, no a lot of the time, life is like that. I try and I try again, trying to make something work that just won’t budge and no matter what I do or give to it…it remains the same. And the feelings of frustration grow and my sense of well being is thrown out like the paint smeared off the canvas.

I remember to dance, wait, and most of all-don’t look at that picture, AGAIN!!! until the lightness of spirit finds her way to me and I am ready to receive her once again.

Yes, I’m aware that it is March…
But this is my first blog of the year…My family has been taking charge of our health, renovating our home, and I’ve been working on the completion of my second novel, Sunny’s Story 2, the sequel to the first. So, Happy New Year.

My sister-in-law shared on Facebook the You-tube video of Lady Gaga’s performance on the Oscars, making a tribute to the people who have been sexually abused. The message in essence was that unless you’ve been through their experience, you can’t know what it’s like to be them.
My thought after watching the powerful and moving video is that this is true for everyone and, each of our experiences. That unless you too, have gone through it, how would you know?

Like losing a child, or a spouse, or a parent..through death.
Like having a special needs child.
Like having cancer, taking chemo, radiation, surgery…
Like being a single parent and raising your children alone…
Like being poor, rich…
Like being a full time caretaker for someone…
Like owning your own business…
Like working for someone else…
Like being in a war…
Like taking the life of another…
Like being in prison…
Like being adopted…
Like being an unwed mother and giving up your baby or keeping your baby…
Like having an abortion…
Like being gay…
Like being raped…
Like being blind, deaf…
Like being overweight, underweight…
Like being addicted to …whatever…
Like having a body that no longer works and your mind is still sharp or your body’s great, but your mind is gone…
Like being a Republican or a Democrat…:) thought I’d throw that in for fun…:)

Like being different…which we all are, but for some, our differences, stand out a lot more than others.
Every one of us carries something that has hurt, continues to hurt, or isn’t easy, for lack of a better term or separates us.

Expecting others to understand what that’s like, would be like them coming from another country, speaking a different language, and then understanding what you’re talking about. They wouldn’t.
Unless of course, you’re from the same country-have undergone the same thing, but even then, because you are an individual-you’ll still see it differently.
So…what do we do, to make others ‘see’? understand?….
I guess one way would be to share our stories…but even then, I don’t think that would do the trick…there’s just too much in our hearts and souls to convey our experiences…and too much judgment in the eyes of the others, the ones that you are trying to ‘get’ to understand.
Bottom line, unless someone is ‘open and wanting’ you cannot make them understand.
So we give that grace to ourselves. We hug and acknowledge and love the places we’ve been and the people we are now because of that. And we let go of the need, of trying to ‘get others’ to see. Because it just doesn’t matter.

What matters is that we are kind anyway…first to ourselves and then to others, knowing that if they are alive, they have gone through something too.
And if those others cannot understand or be compassionate…that’s okay. Let them go and wish them well, ’cause it’s enough to know that you know…

Are two powerful words….They have a life of their own; but they can take on a whole new meaning with the word/words that follow.  Recently I  heard several people that I love say, “I am done with so and so.”  And although I don’t think that they meant it…that it was just their hurt and anger speaking, nevertheless, their words are powerful.  And I might want to be hiding from the Universe’s response.  Because even though we might not see it or believe it…the Universe is definitely listening and will give us just what we put out.

So… I want to play it safe and only say what I really want to come back to me…I know I have slip ups and sometimes, even with the best of intentions and doings…stuff still happens that I would rather not participate in… and yet I find myself there anyway… Subject for a whole other post.

Since I believe in the power of these two little words, I try to make sure that what follows is a positive affirmation.  When I am scared, I affirm, I am brave.  When I feel tired, beaten down, I say, “I am good.”  When I need help, I say, “I am supported and loved.”  When I want more money, I affirm that I am prosperous.   ‘I am rich.”    When I want to feel pretty, I say, “I am beautiful.”  And everyday, I affirm, that I am happy, healthy, and whole…especially when in the present, the opposite may appear to be true.

I am a writer.  I am an artist.  I am vegan.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a daughter.  I am a sister.  I am a friend.  I am………….

do I love it unconditionally?

It’s easy to be happy when things are going the way that you want them to.  But what happens when they aren’t?  What then?

For me, I’ve practiced, over the last thirty years, the art of being happy … no matter what.

Sometimes, that gets a real work out.

Like for instance… eight years ago, Mark had a major set back – that he is slowly making his way back from, cancer touched my family- my father, brother, daughter, sister and me.    I had a growth, that looked a lot like the one, that my father died from … I had it removed in September, and other than losing half my bangs-no biggie- I am fine.  I have two more places on my face to take care of, but I have confidence that all is well.

Most recently, Mark suffered a major trauma to his groin area, shutting down his kidneys.  Since coming home from the hospital, we have taken care of him round the clock.  And it’s been a month since we’ve slept more than an hour at a time.

Last week after a particularly rough day for Mark and after another sleepless night, I felt beaten down.  If I heard, ‘fix it’ one more time…

I asked God for help.

And I saw the picture of Jesus standing in the boat, as the storms raged around him, his disciples scared to death, fearing for their lives.  And Jesus, calmly slept, in the midst of it.  And I thought…yes…this is the way.  Even when everything around you is going wild, it is still possible to be at peace.    Or at least give it a shot….  I mean there might have been a few f…k’s thrown in my boat…just sayn.

I heard myself saying, that I can’t wait until this is over…until we are free from this.  What I didn’t say, but it was there anyway, was, ‘then I can be happy.’

Then I read a post on Facebook by Samahria Lyte Kaufman.  Her words resonated deep within me…reminding me that all of life has value, not just the ones we deem as okay.  That this is my life, even the difficult parts and embracing these times changes the way I go through them.

And I remembered.   I love… all …of my life.   There might be a few ‘f..k’s’ thrown in…but what the ‘hell’…it’s all good.

has a rock on his desk.  On the one side it says….’Don’t sweat the small stuff.’  And on the other side its says, “And it’s all small stuff.”

I love that saying.  It reminds me not to take life too seriously…especially when it gets serious…which happens a lot.

My intention is to love and be happy.  That is my mantra, the new canvas I start out with each day, the art that I practice.  Some days, just like with anything…  I do better than others.

And I love to tell stories.  I love it when people laugh at those stories.  And even if I’m the only one laughing…well at least there’s one…

Life gives me lots of opportunities to practice my art.  It’s like my daily lesson plan.  And I am learning.  Now when something happens my first thought is (.well… maybe the second thought after the initial ouch subsides)  ‘Cool, this is so going in my book.  Or, I can’t wait to tell so and so…

I believe that laughter is one of the greatest medicines in the world….feeling good, even better.   And if I can bring one smile to someone who is hurting…then I’ve done good.

Wayne Dyer died this past week.   When I first heard about it, I couldn’t believe it…it seemed surreal.  Then I saw the posts on FB on his page and on others…and it became real to me.  I loved his words, his being, his perspective.  He was a great spiritual leader, teacher, and writer.  He inspired me.  He challenged me.  He helped me to grow.  And I am forever grateful to God for the gift of him.

I was first introduced to him many years ago when my brother gave me one of his earlier works…the book, Pulling Your Own Strings.  I think my brother thought I needed some help in that area :).  He was right.   I read his book and others that followed…my favorite being, Wishes Fulfilled, one of his more recent books.  Even though I enjoyed reading his words on paper I loved hearing him speak even more.  Every year when it came time for PBS to raise money for their station, Wayne would be one of their key note speakers.

He had a way about him that was so inviting.  I  loved listening to  his stories, sharing his process and growth on his  own spiritual journey.   His light shined bright.  And even though I never met him personally I feel like I lost someone close to me.

In one of his stories he talked about the orbs…and he used photos in his book to show them.  I’d never heard of such but after reading his story, I have since seen them in some of my own photographs.  To me they are angels watching over us.   A nice and comforting thought.

You will be missed but because of your cds, books, videos and your heart….your presence will be forever remembered.    God Bless You in your newest journey………….