do I love it unconditionally?

It’s easy to be happy when things are going the way that you want them to.  But what happens when they aren’t?  What then?

For me, I’ve practiced, over the last thirty years, the art of being happy … no matter what.

Sometimes, that gets a real work out.

Like for instance… eight years ago, Mark had a major set back – that he is slowly making his way back from, cancer touched my family- my father, brother, daughter, sister and me.    I had a growth, that looked a lot like the one, that my father died from … I had it removed in September, and other than losing half my bangs-no biggie- I am fine.  I have two more places on my face to take care of, but I have confidence that all is well.

Most recently, Mark suffered a major trauma to his groin area, shutting down his kidneys.  Since coming home from the hospital, we have taken care of him round the clock.  And it’s been a month since we’ve slept more than an hour at a time.

Last week after a particularly rough day for Mark and after another sleepless night, I felt beaten down.  If I heard, ‘fix it’ one more time…

I asked God for help.

And I saw the picture of Jesus standing in the boat, as the storms raged around him, his disciples scared to death, fearing for their lives.  And Jesus, calmly slept, in the midst of it.  And I thought…yes…this is the way.  Even when everything around you is going wild, it is still possible to be at peace.    Or at least give it a shot….  I mean there might have been a few f…k’s thrown in my boat…just sayn.

I heard myself saying, that I can’t wait until this is over…until we are free from this.  What I didn’t say, but it was there anyway, was, ‘then I can be happy.’

Then I read a post on Facebook by Samahria Lyte Kaufman.  Her words resonated deep within me…reminding me that all of life has value, not just the ones we deem as okay.  That this is my life, even the difficult parts and embracing these times changes the way I go through them.

And I remembered.   I love… all …of my life.   There might be a few ‘f..k’s’ thrown in…but what the ‘hell’…it’s all good.