Monthly Archives: May 2015

So today the vet came to see Sonny.   As she looked at him, she decided not to give him the acupuncture treatment like she has in the past.   She diagnosed him with a brain tumor and said the word….terminal.

Now normally I don’t buy into such things…you know the word…terminal.  Like when the doctors said that my dad was terminal.  I think what I said then was….’what the f…dad, what do they know?’   But as it turned out…they did know although their timing was a little off by two years… go Dad…and God…

I know its my choice whether to believe or not…But today when I heard her words I felt them in my soul.  In my mind I said ‘no thanks’ but still the words settled on top of me like a heavy wet blanket zapping all the energy out of me as they filtered through my system.

I look at Sonny and see that he’s lost weight and the right side of his face has changed….it almost looks like Dad’s did after radiation and chemo.  And he’s had neither.   His spirit is sweet and last night as we walked, he ran like he used to do when he was a puppy….and what I call his happy dance….

Since day one he’s been my happy dog…I love to watch him run, play, be………he’s so beautiful and just watching him fills me with such joy…so why the tears…because I’m believing in the words, a month up to six months….and I can’t bear to think of my life without him…he came to me during a really difficult time and for awhile there he was my constant reminder that yes…life is good.

So here’s the deal….I’m going to declare daily that he is healed, hoping and praying for the best.  And if it indeed turns out that his time is done…then I’m going to let him know every chance I have …how much I love and adore him………..my Sonny……..

Last night I saw the movie Desert Dancer.  I loved it.  It was a powerful, moving and beautiful testament of the human spirit.  The movie is based on a true story of a young Iranian man who wants to dance but is forbidden to, because of the rules/laws in his country.  But he does so anyway…

It broke my heart to see people hurt, tortured, and killed for simply being themselves and for wanting to express what they feel and see through art.   SUPPRESSION…..I don’t understand the need to control or force others to do things against their will.  But I do understand that it comes from a place of fear.

I am grateful that I live in a country where I am free to be me.  But then as I look around I see suppression here as well.  The difference is- here it is not taken to the extreme…well at least, not as a normal thing.

This one young man formed a dance group, where they performed in secret their love of dancing.  But then he realized that it wasn’t enough to just dance.  They needed an audience…people who wanted to see them perform.  He said, what is the point, if we can’t share it?  or something to that effect.

He took it to the next step.  At great risk to himself and his fellow dancers, they performed; knowing if they were caught they would be imprisoned or worse.

Here at home, we may get a disapproving look or a verbal thrashing, or even physical abuse but again as a whole, our lives aren’t threatened, when we do something others might not like or approve of.

Every time that we share our light, to me, we are honoring the One who created us.   And sometimes that means saying yes when the world says no.  And facing our fears and doing it anyway.

In Cyndi Lauper’s song, she sings, Your true colors are shining through…

And I say yes…let them.

dance baby dance….shine your light for the world to see!

Fuck- which immediately got my attention.  For those of you who have read my novel, Sunny’s Story, know that Sunny uses that word a lot..not unlike her author….

I read the link, which was a blog written by Mike Hrostoski and actually posted on FB, last October.  He and his wife were playing a game called,’ Fuck You Spiritual People for using Gratitude as a Bypass to Your Anger’.  They let ‘her rip’ as they went through the list of things on their minds and hearts.  I fell in love with the game immediately.

Earlier that day I had woken up at 5 am.  I lay in bed with lots of thoughts traveling through my mind.  What started out as a positive journey quickly turned to yuck.  Actually what I said to my husband when I got up at 6 and he asked me why I was getting up so early was, “I’m going to write…my thoughts have turned to poopy and I need to get them out of here,” I said pointing to my head.

And write I did…my hand was working quicker than lightning; putting the thoughts running through my head down onto the page.  Taking a sip of coffee, I was ready to move on to the next page when I looked up and there sitting across from me was my husband.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

So I told him.  I told him everything that was bothering me…worries over my three kids, my mom, sister, being questioned and second guessed, feeling like some things were never going to change and other changes that were happening way too fast.

The thing is, that after I’d finished, although nothing had outwardly changed, I felt good again.  And I realized that by expressing what I was feeling on paper and then to someone who loves me, I’d freed myself from the unhappiness surrounding it.

So when I got Gayle’s email and read the link…I jumped in and played the game…adding my own list.  Fun! Another way for me to further unleash the ties that held me to the yuck.  It is so empowering to say F..Y..to whatever it is you’re afraid to say.  And freeing.

I know there are a lot of people out there that will take offense to the use of this word.  And I get that.

But sometimes its just fun to say it………