Monthly Archives: October 2014
I am a great believer in signs….I am always talking to God, the Universe and the ‘forces’ unseen, asking for guidance to questions, directions, and connection.
And I usually, especially if I am paying attention, get the answers I seek and sometimes even when I’m not asking.
Like yesterday.
I came home from shopping at the local health food store. When I walked in the house I noticed the painting that is usually above my stove was now on my kitchen counter. This particular painting is one of my father’s later works’ of art. And also one of my favorites.
My father died two weeks ago yesterday. My first thought when I saw the painting was that my son, Michael had taken it down in the hopes of being able to bring it home with him when he left for the day. He’d been here watching Mark, so I could go to the store. I was ready to tell him he could forget that idea. There was no way I would part with that painting.
But when I asked him why the painting was on the counter; he told me that he’d found it on the floor when he’d come in from the barn.
That’s when I knew my Dad had sent me a sign. There is no way that the picture could have fallen on its own. Even if one of my cats had walked up there and had knocked it over(which neither one did because they were both outside) there would have been a lot more items to come down with it. Nothing was disturbed other than the picture.
There have been other signs since he left as well. My nephew said at the time my dad passed, one of the pictures my dad had painted for him, fell off the wall, right in front of him.
At my father’s house, when he died, all the lights in my parents condo flickered and later we discovered that the neighbors heard a loud boom like a transformer going out, but no one lost power not even for a second.
The electrician that came the next day to fix the power box in the garage told us that he has seen this happen time after time when someone dies.
My mom keeps seeing a shadow floating by her.
My dad was bigger than life when he was here and it appears that he is still a force to be reckoned with.
All I know is that when I realized that he was here………I smiled and said….”Hi Dad.”
This past weekend was like taking an emotional roller coaster ride….crying one minute, laughing the next…up and down and around and around….lets see how far we can take this ride.
We will….. all the way to the end.
Friday evening Frank and I went to see my Dad and Mom. I had not seen my father in a week. The changes were undeniable…he is in a downward spiral. But his spirit is strong and humor in tack. He was disorientated at first and then fell into a choking fit; trying to cough up the fluid built up in his throat. Knowing that I’m sensitive to certain aspects of the bodily functions -he informed me to get my ‘a…’ out of the house until the situation had passed. I laughed and hung in there.
A few moments later that same man said to me, “Come over here and give me a kiss.” I quickly obeyed.
And just so you know, for those of you who don’t know…my father has been battling cancer (his last diagnosis)for two years. He is 84 years young. This time it looks like he may have to surrender. But I have a feeling no matter what; his spirit will remain strong even after he says his last goodbye and/or takes his last breath. He will continue to soar.
Yesterday some of our family gathered at my parents house to spend time with Dad and Mom. My sister and nephew arrived first. Then me. My brother and sister in law called from Utah. My niece and her fiancé came next. Followed not too long after by my son and his girlfriend. And as much as I would have liked to have Frank and Mark there…this ‘ride’ is not one for Mark.
Each time one of us came in, Dad greeted us like we’d been gone forever and he was so happy to see us; welcoming us back into the fold, his and Mom’s.
We gathered round’ in love ….sharing and talking about the happenings in our lives all the while keeping a watchful and loving eye toward the center of our focus… Dad. Friday night I watched, as my husband gingerly administered to my father whatever he needed in that moment. Yesterday I witnessed each of my family present; showing Dad in their own ways their love for him, wanting to do whatever they could to ease this transition for him. And my mother…she is a champion above all champions….standing with and for my father every inch of the way.
His health may be going downward and like the roller coaster ride gathering speed as it descends; but like the seat belt on the ride that keeps you safe and locked in; our love will hold us together and show us the way to be there for him.
He is the youngest of our herd and the only male…
And he scares me to death.
He is so sweet and so friendly and so big! Not as big as a typical Charolais bull, they grow to be huge. No Lucky wasn’t so lucky there….he was castrated young and suffered complications; but because of the love of his previous owners he came to live with us versus going to market. We are vegetarians; so our cows have a home for life.
But what Lucky lacks in size, he more than makes up for in spirit. He has so much life and vitality; that sometimes he runs just for the sheer pleasure of it-hind legs kicking up in the air, back humped up, head tossing this way and that- looks like a bull ready to charge. And he usually greets me this way. Which is all well and good’ as long as he and I have a fence to separate us.
This past week my husband and oldest son, Michael- decided to move the herd into the back paddock of our farm. That is the same paddock that my younger son, Mark and I use to walk on. Mark has autism and a seizure disorder. He sees the world differently so being amongst all these gentle giants doesn’t faze him.
Me on the other hand…not so much. There was a time when I felt the same way. I’d get in the middle of the ‘girls’ as we refer to them and not give it a second thought. But there was this one day when I was taking a walk listening to music on my Walkman’ when I felt the earth start to rumble.
I turned; saw our herd headed my way. At that time we had sixteen cows and a bull that we called Wooly- he had curly hair and weighed easily over two thousand pounds….and he was leading the pack.
See here’s the thing….whenever we need to move the herd to a different paddock; I am usually the one whose voice they will come to. Maybe they think of me as their mother or the one who feeds them…I’m not sure why.
So on this particular day when they saw me; they got excited and came charging. Now if this were to happen when Frank or Michael were out there, it would be no big deal. They’d just hold up their hands and the cows would back off.
Calm, cool and collected…Not! I screamed for Michael to help me divert them. He was in the house on the computer (this is when we had a hard drive) He looked and instead of getting up to help me; he yelled out the window “Run!”
I threw my Walkman down, thinking that they thought I had food and ran like hell to the nearest barbed wire fence to crawl through. Wooly and the ‘girls’ stopped to smell and inspect the Walkman; giving me a chance to escape.
Legs that had turned to rubber and shaking….I caught my breath on the other side.
Ever since that day whenever I see a cow or young bull coming my way I get a little nervous.
Frank got home from work and I insisted, begged, pleaded, bribed, insisted and insisted again that they move the cows back to the other paddock.
Both Frank and Michael rolled their eyes. And Mark may have too but he was out in the field walking amongst the herd.
What can I say. The cows are moved…Lucky and I can talk with a fence between us…just like all good neighbors do…and all is well.
